One of the phenomenons of outliving one's husband is dealing with the role reversal that occurs with our adult children. I didn't understand how I'd gone from being the family matriarch, who was sought out for advise and mom-type words of wisdom, to a blathering idiot who suddenly needed constant supervision and coaching just to get though a day. I realize now I probably WAS a blathering idiot who couldn't think straight, but then, it was an irritating interference and I didn't appreciate it one bit. I'd lost my husband, not my mind - or so I thought.
Some of my widowed friends are okay with this role reversal thingy. The more decisions their adult children make for them, the less they have to make for themselves. I, personally, am much too independent (I know, dear children - to a fault) for imposed opinions. If I want something, I go after it. I don't have to need it. It doesn't have to make sense. It doesn't have to be on my list of priorities. Maybe not the most solid thinking, but it works for me. Other widow friends are much kinder than I. In spite of their wishing their adult kids would "butt out", they graciously (or at least not tactlessly) accept the input. Acceptance would be a good trait for me to mimic.
All this independence was fairly invisible before I outlived my husband. He was my sounding board, and because he had the innate ability and the kindest way of saying "whoa", I was often detoured before I really went out on a limb. Ever had that up-in-a-tree-reaching-for-a-weak-branch problem?
Sandy
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