At our small, family only, outdoor wedding, we exchanged wide gold bands inscribed with the words "given in love to each other ". I adore that ring. It felt true and safe and perfect on my finger. This was a second marriage for both of us and it was a mutual decision to forgo an engagement ring, or a wedding band with any gem adornment. We wanted something simple, just an unending circle.
I buried my husband with his ring firmly attached to his finger and my matching one remained on mine. I read a story about a woman whose husband was cremated with his diamond ring still on. Since diamonds don't burn, her friends suggested she sift through his ashes to find the diamond. She never did. Like me, she was afraid to learn that perhaps the morticians might have removed it. How terribly gruesome! Some things are best left unthought.
A time came a year or so after outliving my husband when I began to wonder about my "state". I wasn't really married anymore. It takes two living people for that. Should I continue to wear that symbolic wide gold band on the third finger of my left hand? Should I wear it on a chain? Should I wear in an another hand or finger? Should I melt it down for a pendant? Should I not wear it at all? There isn't a proper etiquette book on the subject. And, it's not the same as deciding what to do with wedding rings as a divorcee - that gold is valuable, you sell it!
My decision was to remove my adored ring during the day and leave it on my night stand. Then, at bedtime, I could easily slip it onto my finger like a miniature security blanket. How did you cope with this dilemma shared only by those of us who've outlived their husbands?
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