Friends and fade aways

Couple friends are an odd lot even when you're still a couple. Most "couple friends" become so because one of you had something in common with one of them. My dearest friend and I met at a New Neighbors program about interior decorating. I remember asking the speaker, short of tearing out bathroom fixtures and starting over, how I could somehow make a pink toilet and bathtub surrounded by slate blue tile be at least a little bit palatable. I don't remember the suggestion, but my new best friend came up to me after the meeting to commiserate as she, too, had faced some interesting interior decorating challenges. We laughed, joined the same bowling league and couldn't wait to get our husbands together. For the next several years, the four of us, plus our combined seven kids, spent nearly every weekend together before career transfers moved us to opposite sides of the country. We cooked a lot of meals - I still use some of those recipes; played hours and hours of bridge, and the guys became golfing buddies. One time, when they were visiting us at our new home, each husband come from the shower wearing the identical outfit - tan slacks and bright yellow shirts - Frick and Frack. That was over 40 years ago and although she's on the west coast and I'm in the Midwest, she's still there for me whether I'm half of a couple, a single, a couple again, or a woman who has outlived her husband.

It's different when the one who introduces his best friend into a relationship is no longer living. No matter how welcomed I was or the fun times we had together, when I was the "left behind" part of the couple, the threads of connection were severed and the friendship unraveled. It simply faded away.

Despite the theory that new friends come about because one of you had something in common with one of them, there is that rare occurrence when both parts of a couple meet both parts of another couple and an instant bond is formed. The common denominator here, at least for me, is a place. I think of it as my Cheers place - where everybody knows my name. These friends stay friends - no fading away. They will value the memories no matter who outlived whom.

Today's friends mostly aren't part of a couple. Like me, they're single, coping with a couple's world. They understand the dirty little secrets of widowhood and they'll talk about ANYTHING! There's a whole 'nother world out there for those of us who've outlived our husbands. I don't wish the title on anyone, but know there's a sisterhood of genuine friendship among us - no fade outs.

Sandy